Welcoming new people to the whānau

Many families/whānau successfully include children from different parents. Combining families can be challenging – don't expect everything to run smoothly right from the start.

Some children find the new arrangements scary and overwhelming. They may find it hard to tell you how they feel, instead showing it in behaviour such as:

• Going back to wetting the bed or acting younger
• Often getting angry
• Becoming quiet and withdrawn
• Crying or being clingy
• Not eating or over-eating
• Having problems sleeping or getting up.

By being aware of how the children may be feeling, you can help them to cope. Be patient – building a successfully blended family/whānau can take time.

Helpful tips

• Even if you don't feel strong love, share respect for your partner's children
• Give children time and space to cope with change
• Start new traditions for your new family/whānau   
• Agree as a couple how you want your new family/whānau to behave, and make sure all the children know
• Don't argue about discipline in front of the children
• Agree on all your children's responsibilities with key home issues such as bedtimes, food choices, household chores
• Agree what happens if rules are broken
• Regularly sit down as a whole whānau to talk about any issues and how everyone is feeling.