Tackling difficult teenage behaviour

Is your teenager moody? Confrontational? Demanding? Irrational? You're not failing as a parent. It's very common teenage behaviour.

As well as growing up physically, the teenage years are about becoming an individual — an independent adult. It can be a difficult time for parents but it's important.

Difficult or not, teens need love and support and positive reinforcement. But they want to be different. They want privacy. They want to be listened to.

You'll find things easier by having firm rules on important behaviour: such as always talking reasonably to each other; or using the car responsibly; or coming home by a set time. These things matter.

On the other hand, most parents of teenagers say 'don't sweat the small stuff'. You'll probably find it easier to ignore the things that don't really matter, such as what they wear or the music they listen to.

Tell this to your teenager. If they know you're willing to let them have independence in these ways, they may well be more willing to agree to your firm rules.

The good news in all this? In the end, helping your son or daughter to grow in confidence and enter adulthood can be immensely rewarding.

Helpful tips

• Agree on firm rules and expectations
• Agree on behaviour and actions you're happy with — to show you're not just about rules and limits
• Talk to your children from a young age about issues such as drugs, smoking and alcohol (check the pages on this web site)
• Praise and reward positive behaviour when it occurs
• Choose your battles — where to stand firm, where to negotiate,  where to be more flexible
• Don't take it personally — try to stay calm and don't use insults
• Talk with other parents and try to laugh about things
• Remember, it's not them you dislike, it's what they do.