Family violence

Behaviour that makes someone else feel controlled or scared is NOT OK. But it is always OK to ask for help.

Everyone in a family should feel safe and nurtured. Positive family relationships are supportive, trusting and warm. Family violence, on the other hand, is controlling behaviour – physical, psychological, or sexual. If one person uses power and fear to get control, the relationship is abusive and may be extremely unsafe.

Many people in this situation find it hard to talk about, even to close friends. But family violence hardly ever goes away by itself. In fact, unless real changes in attitude and behaviour are made, it usually gets worse.

Ring It's not OK information helpline 0800 456 450 for information and to connect to support services. This helpline is open seven days a week, 9am to 11pm. If there is immediate danger call 111 for the Police – or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.

Helpful tips

It is OK to ask for help if:

• You are worried about relationships in your family. Every single person in a family should be treated with respect. When there is too much blaming, criticising, arguing or withdrawing, the whole family suffers.
• You or other family members are scared or frightened. Are you at risk? Sometimes it's hard to know how serious things are getting. If you are scared or worried about being hurt, the situation is serious.
• You don't like your own behaviour. If family members are scared of you, find it hard to talk with you, or feel they must only do what you want, you should consider changing your behaviour.
• You are worried about someone else. This could be a friend, neighbour, family member, child's friend, or workmate. Often people who are experiencing violence feel isolated and ashamed so your support could be vital.